Tuesday, November 08, 2005
pretty
this is a really beautiful paragraph.
"The dawn came quickly now, a wash, a glow, a lightness, and then an explosion of fire as the sun arose out of the Gulf. Kino looked down to cover his eyes from the glare. He could hear the pat of the corn-cakes in the house and the rich smell of them on the cooking plate. The ants were busy on the ground, big black ones with shiny bodies, and little dusty quick ants. Kino watched with the detachment of God while a dusty ant frantically tried to escape the sand trap an ant lion had dug for him. A thin, timid dog came close and, at a soft word from Kino, curled up, arranged its tail neatly over its feet, and laid its chin delicately on the pile. It was a black dog with yellow-gold spots where its eyebrows should have been. It was a morning like other mornings and yet perfect among mornings."
That's from John Steinbeck's The Pearl. I especially like the last two sentences, juxtaposed up against each other. The brace of imperfection -- marred, even diseased humanity (via dog, no matter) -- then the fulcrum of the ordinary, and the balance, the far end of the same plank, "and yet perfect among mornings."
spot check
i used to think (admittedly irrationally) that flies or mosquitoes were landing on my face while i was meditating. this actually does happen from time to time, but i eventually started noticing that these "flies" were landing on exactly the same spots. then i started noticing that these spots on my face were /actual spots/ -- small moles on my face and neck. and that there weren't actually any insects crawling on me. (again, most of the time. sometimes, there are, including ants, which i have a particularly hard time ignoring.) this feeling has been strong enough, at times, to make me break concentration and swat at the affected area. very maddening sensation.
another point of interest (yes, i realize this word is relative) is that there seemed to be some sequence to these sensations. i would repeatedly feel this mosquito-landing tingle on one mole, for a few days, or even a few weeks. then, it would move to another one, and stay there. so far, this process has not, to my awareness, jumped back to a previously-covered mole. for awhile i actually tracked progress, starting in thailand. (this has been going on for a long time now, i keep forgetting to write about it. it may have even begun back in beijing, i recorded one incident in my journal of a "fly" landing on the mole on my right cheek during meditation while attempting to astral project.) first, the mole on the outer corner of my left eye, then to a couple on my right cheek, then over on the left side of my nose, then onto my neck... i don't really pay attention anymore, but the process is continuing. it seems, oddly enough, to have attended to the larger or more raised ones first, and slowly it has moved to smaller and smaller ones. i haven't noticed any similar feeling anywhere else in my body while meditating. like i said, the best i can describe it is like some small insect landing on your skin, on your face! the strangest thing is that it /definitely/ feels external. i would have bet money on the fact that something was actually touching my face the first few times. rather creepy, until i got used to it.
now, speculation: doc and others have told me about kundalini energy, or shakti (no, i'm not saying they're the same thing, necessarily, i'm just noting the various terms used by my teachers to describe a certain phenomenon) travelling on its own, seemingly planned-but-non-obvious path through their bodies, changing and shifting things. from doc's whitened/hardened bone structure, to hatsumi-san's 18-month rewiring of his digestive system, to gopi krishna's various tortures, it seems like there is one aspect of energy that has intent, if not sentience (maybe, though...), and is devoted to fixing things in the bodies it inhabits. many people report various changes to their nervous system, increased speed, reaction, strength, resistance to drugs and alcohol, cured ailments, etc. i can neither confirm nor deny these things, as i haven't really seen any direct evidence. (Doc's various health issues have actually raised my eyebrows to this issue. but i guess everyone gets old eventually.)
anyway, i'm drifting. my speculation is this: shakti energy has shown up in my body in some limited form. it is moving from mole to mole, starting on my head and working its way down (long way to go). i have a lot of them on my body, and they're potentially cancerous. so perhaps a certain number of them have already started on their way to becoming so, and shakti is eradicating the results. or, maybe none of them are even close to cancerous, but shakti is fortifying or boosting their resistance to cancer in some way, seeing these moles as the most obvious threat to my health?
anyway, i certainly haven't been very scientific or exact in my observations. but i have observed
a) strong, seemingly external sensations located on the moles of my face and neck
b) an apparent sequence of sensation, which moves from mole to mole but never backward
c) an apparent attention paid to size or protrusion of said moles in determining this sequence
d) an absence of similar sensation anywhere else on the body
these observations, combined with the passed-on knowledge i've collected from teachers and other practitioners, gives me the grounds for this working hypothesis. i don't really have any way to substantiate it. but i think it's interesting enough to share here. feel free to contact me with any comments or similar experiences.
tools of vipassana
the two main practices i do when i'm meditating these days is anapanna (sp) -- focusing the mind by maintaining awareness of the breath, and vedana-nu-passana -- observation of bodily sensations. vipassana, the second one, is the "Progress" practice. the first one is basically just preparing the mind for the difficult task of slowly scanning the body for sensation without losing focus. all i'm posting here is that i've noticed this definite relation between the two. we might consider the analogy of a silo, or a high tower. inside, on the floor, i am digging a hole in the dirt with my hands. surrounding the tower is a large body of water, pressing in on all sides.
anapanna fortifies the walls of my tower. vipassana is the practice of digging into the ground, uncovering the rocks and stones and worms underneath my feet. if the walls grow weak, cracks appear. water starts to spurt in. if too much water gets in, it splashes on the ground, gets in the nice hole i've dug. i can scoop a bit out, but too much and the hole fills up again, dirt and mud swirling everywhere. by this point, there are major holes in the wall, i'm fighting just to maintain my awareness and not drown in the incoming stream. all thoughts of digging are gone. i simply must move to a new tower, new walls, start over again.
the thing is though, it doesn't matter how strong i make my walls, they don't stay strong. they require constant fortification. but if i spend all my time making stronger walls, then i never get any digging done. if i go straight to digging, there's water right away. even if i hit a nice medium, eventually, water.
i know this isn't really anything new. but it's a good thing to remember.
oh, also, read Neil Gaiman's Sandman stories if you haven't already. good night.
this is a really beautiful paragraph.
"The dawn came quickly now, a wash, a glow, a lightness, and then an explosion of fire as the sun arose out of the Gulf. Kino looked down to cover his eyes from the glare. He could hear the pat of the corn-cakes in the house and the rich smell of them on the cooking plate. The ants were busy on the ground, big black ones with shiny bodies, and little dusty quick ants. Kino watched with the detachment of God while a dusty ant frantically tried to escape the sand trap an ant lion had dug for him. A thin, timid dog came close and, at a soft word from Kino, curled up, arranged its tail neatly over its feet, and laid its chin delicately on the pile. It was a black dog with yellow-gold spots where its eyebrows should have been. It was a morning like other mornings and yet perfect among mornings."
That's from John Steinbeck's The Pearl. I especially like the last two sentences, juxtaposed up against each other. The brace of imperfection -- marred, even diseased humanity (via dog, no matter) -- then the fulcrum of the ordinary, and the balance, the far end of the same plank, "and yet perfect among mornings."
spot check
i used to think (admittedly irrationally) that flies or mosquitoes were landing on my face while i was meditating. this actually does happen from time to time, but i eventually started noticing that these "flies" were landing on exactly the same spots. then i started noticing that these spots on my face were /actual spots/ -- small moles on my face and neck. and that there weren't actually any insects crawling on me. (again, most of the time. sometimes, there are, including ants, which i have a particularly hard time ignoring.) this feeling has been strong enough, at times, to make me break concentration and swat at the affected area. very maddening sensation.
another point of interest (yes, i realize this word is relative) is that there seemed to be some sequence to these sensations. i would repeatedly feel this mosquito-landing tingle on one mole, for a few days, or even a few weeks. then, it would move to another one, and stay there. so far, this process has not, to my awareness, jumped back to a previously-covered mole. for awhile i actually tracked progress, starting in thailand. (this has been going on for a long time now, i keep forgetting to write about it. it may have even begun back in beijing, i recorded one incident in my journal of a "fly" landing on the mole on my right cheek during meditation while attempting to astral project.) first, the mole on the outer corner of my left eye, then to a couple on my right cheek, then over on the left side of my nose, then onto my neck... i don't really pay attention anymore, but the process is continuing. it seems, oddly enough, to have attended to the larger or more raised ones first, and slowly it has moved to smaller and smaller ones. i haven't noticed any similar feeling anywhere else in my body while meditating. like i said, the best i can describe it is like some small insect landing on your skin, on your face! the strangest thing is that it /definitely/ feels external. i would have bet money on the fact that something was actually touching my face the first few times. rather creepy, until i got used to it.
now, speculation: doc and others have told me about kundalini energy, or shakti (no, i'm not saying they're the same thing, necessarily, i'm just noting the various terms used by my teachers to describe a certain phenomenon) travelling on its own, seemingly planned-but-non-obvious path through their bodies, changing and shifting things. from doc's whitened/hardened bone structure, to hatsumi-san's 18-month rewiring of his digestive system, to gopi krishna's various tortures, it seems like there is one aspect of energy that has intent, if not sentience (maybe, though...), and is devoted to fixing things in the bodies it inhabits. many people report various changes to their nervous system, increased speed, reaction, strength, resistance to drugs and alcohol, cured ailments, etc. i can neither confirm nor deny these things, as i haven't really seen any direct evidence. (Doc's various health issues have actually raised my eyebrows to this issue. but i guess everyone gets old eventually.)
anyway, i'm drifting. my speculation is this: shakti energy has shown up in my body in some limited form. it is moving from mole to mole, starting on my head and working its way down (long way to go). i have a lot of them on my body, and they're potentially cancerous. so perhaps a certain number of them have already started on their way to becoming so, and shakti is eradicating the results. or, maybe none of them are even close to cancerous, but shakti is fortifying or boosting their resistance to cancer in some way, seeing these moles as the most obvious threat to my health?
anyway, i certainly haven't been very scientific or exact in my observations. but i have observed
a) strong, seemingly external sensations located on the moles of my face and neck
b) an apparent sequence of sensation, which moves from mole to mole but never backward
c) an apparent attention paid to size or protrusion of said moles in determining this sequence
d) an absence of similar sensation anywhere else on the body
these observations, combined with the passed-on knowledge i've collected from teachers and other practitioners, gives me the grounds for this working hypothesis. i don't really have any way to substantiate it. but i think it's interesting enough to share here. feel free to contact me with any comments or similar experiences.
tools of vipassana
the two main practices i do when i'm meditating these days is anapanna (sp) -- focusing the mind by maintaining awareness of the breath, and vedana-nu-passana -- observation of bodily sensations. vipassana, the second one, is the "Progress" practice. the first one is basically just preparing the mind for the difficult task of slowly scanning the body for sensation without losing focus. all i'm posting here is that i've noticed this definite relation between the two. we might consider the analogy of a silo, or a high tower. inside, on the floor, i am digging a hole in the dirt with my hands. surrounding the tower is a large body of water, pressing in on all sides.
anapanna fortifies the walls of my tower. vipassana is the practice of digging into the ground, uncovering the rocks and stones and worms underneath my feet. if the walls grow weak, cracks appear. water starts to spurt in. if too much water gets in, it splashes on the ground, gets in the nice hole i've dug. i can scoop a bit out, but too much and the hole fills up again, dirt and mud swirling everywhere. by this point, there are major holes in the wall, i'm fighting just to maintain my awareness and not drown in the incoming stream. all thoughts of digging are gone. i simply must move to a new tower, new walls, start over again.
the thing is though, it doesn't matter how strong i make my walls, they don't stay strong. they require constant fortification. but if i spend all my time making stronger walls, then i never get any digging done. if i go straight to digging, there's water right away. even if i hit a nice medium, eventually, water.
i know this isn't really anything new. but it's a good thing to remember.
oh, also, read Neil Gaiman's Sandman stories if you haven't already. good night.
