Thursday, March 03, 2005
Assorted Oddalia
I heard the word "realia" for the first time a couple weeks ago and I think it's great. I've been trying to graft the suffix onto other words, with varying degrees of success. (Note: I believe that's the second time I've used the phrase capsule "with varying degrees of..." today in my posts. I do like it, but I apologize for the recyclage.)
I haven't really posted much about my esoteric delvings lately. Mostly, that's been because I've been terribly lax in my practice, and in my awareness. I've sort of been letting "normal" life wash over me, and while it's actually rather nice, I miss /seeing/. Tonight I spent wandering around Hong Kong and really practicing, for perhaps the first time since ... Beijing? Surely not that long, but I can't remember the last time I really just went out among the people and worked at expansion. It was marvelous. I'm just going to jot down a few of the weirder experiences I've been meaning to record. Take them for what they're worth.
I still look at things as scientifically as I used to, but more and more often I simply find myself accepting some intuitions. There's a fine line between accepting intuition without trying to deconstruct the deconstructable, and simply indulging in your every instinct as reliable guidance. The former, I believe, is an important part of growing into the boundless aspects of Self. The latter is ego taking advantage of such an attempt and using it to further its own pathology. And I'd say (unfortunately, as it means the most work for me) the one resists turning into the other with dedicated practice and awareness. But I'm babbling. Onto the stories.
Shadow World
NB: This first part isn't exactly "weird" stuff. Just what I did tonight which I found interesting. Yes, this is going to be more like the posts of old, where I'm just recording things for my own enjoyment. Read the next post down if you're looking for a story.
I spent the first 30 minutes of tonight's walk paying attention to shadows. I'd walk around and instead of looking at people, I'd look at their shadows. Instead of noticing street lamps, or cars, I'd look for how the light was bouncing off of them. Reflections, shadows, notches, crevices -- all this stuff made up my conscious visual input. More generally, I was trying to look at the parts of things that don't usually get looked at. So, instead of the model on the billboard, I was staring at the space between the background and the model's body. Or instead of the car, I'd look into the wheel wells. This exercise is sort of stolen and modified from an exercise Don Juan Matus gave Carlos Castaneda, mentioned towards the end of Tales of Power. This was the first time I'd really tried doing this sort of thing, and I wasn't sure what to expect. I found that, rather than bringing a forefront change to my perception, after a bit I noticed instead that I was just sort of removed from my normal mode of input-interpretation. It wasn't like I was seeing hidden meaning in these "less-looked-at" things, just overall feeling a bit spaced out, less connected to the "realia" around me.
That set the stage for me messing around with other ways of looking at things. For a while i tried to unfocus my eyes and abolish spatial relations, which is actually really really hard. the couple moments i suceeded, it was wild, like the street in front of me and the skyscrapers above me were just like a sheet of paper held up in front of me, no distance or anything, just 2D visual input, and immediate as all hell. i almost fell over. cool exercise, although maybe better to practice when you're not moving.
I stopped in a park for a bit and found a rock with some good juice, just sat and watched the energy drift for a bit. even just doing something simple like that -- it's embarrassing how long it's been since i've just watched things swirl. One of the things I had the most fun with tonight was finding shapes created by intended shapes. Example: two buildings angle towards each other, and a skywalk crosses between them, making an open faced trapezoid in the space above the walk. not all that mind-blowing, granted -- but once i started doing it, i found i couldn't stop. sort of like dreaming in tetris. and again, it kept me removed from my standard mode of perception, which was basically the point i guess.
All these little games definitely put me back in that state of mind I loved so much about being in Beijing with Sebastian. We'd just go out on the streets, or in the mountains, and do random experiments like, try and listen only to the wind and car horns for as long as we could. It's this sort of all-the-time practice in awareness that brings real progress, i think. sitting and meditating is awesome. i'm not trying to second-rank it. but being living, active, and aware every minute is more the warrior's way, i think -- it's /living/ your practice. Don Juan said something to the effect that "The only thing we really can freely choose in this life is the degree of impeccability in our actions." This is the motto by which I'm trying to measure my days now.
Sky High
I napped on the flight from Taipei to Hong Kong this morning, and I woke up at one point while consciously out of my body. It wasn't like I was just floating above me in the plane -- I was literally somewhere else, somewhere indoors, like an airport or a mall or something. i didn't have 100% clarity, like in some of my hyperreal dreams, but it was close. if anything, the main difference was that the people walking by me were a bit shimmery, like fuzzy oilslicks around their edges. But it was definitely somewhere, and I was aware. I was walking/gliding about, I remember passing a woman with a baby carriage, a few guys, someone in a funny dress and hat. Then I walked into this room, big and slightly concave, like a drain in the middle. The middle radiated waves of really strong sexual energy. All through this, at times I would sort of see how close I could come to waking up fully into my "real" world, and then go back into wherever it was that I was wandering around in my dreams. I found I could actually wake pretty much all the way up (without opening my eyes though) and then consciously go back to my other place, with full clarity. eventually though, i lost it. but it was intriguing, i haven't had that sort of dual awareness with that degree of control before.
Mannequin Shenanigan
Which begs the question, can you simply have just one shenanigan? Anyhow. This dates back to just having finished my retreat, in mid-December of 2004. I was walking through the night market in Phitsanulok, Thailand, with another guy I'd sat with at the retreat. The market was set up outdoors, basically a series of stalls with 3 canvas walls, the 4th wall "space" opening into a narrow corridor in the center. on either side, stalls, and maybe a 2-person wide alley to walk down in-between. So we're walkin', right? And all of a sudden I was like, WOAH! Hold the phone! Buzzing had just exploded in my head, like a low-medium grade electric current. Like having a van Der Graff generator touched to my temples on low revolution. STRONG. I even felt a bit pushed away, from right to left.
I turned to see what the hell just happened and...nothing. Just people walking by, two standard opposing stalls with crap, womens' clothing and accessories, two mannequins out in the front of the shops, facing each other. I walk back the way I came, passing the stalls, this time paying attention. WHAM-BZZZZ!! Again! This time I'd narrowed down the time of the sensation occuring to just as I'd passed through the mannequins' gazes. Interesting. I repeated the experiment 4 or 5 more times, much to the chagrin of the passers-by trying to squeeze around me. Yup, /definitely/ getting buzzed when I pass the mannequins. I yelled after my friend, who was some way ahead of me by now, to come back. Without telling him why, I asked him to close his eyes, concentrate, and walk to me (his path took him across The Twin Gaze en route to me). As soon as he passed the mannequins, his eyes flew open in shock.
"What the hell was that?" he asked.
"Don't know dude, there's something funny going on."
Now, keep in mind here that we'd both just finished an intensive meditation retreat, 100+ hours in 10 days. We were friggin' /TUNED/. My friend hadn't done any sort of esoteric practice before, so he didn't really know jack about sensing energy, other than, you know, what everyone knows a little about instinctively. He actually hadn't noticed it when he first walked by, but when I asked him to walk by again and focus his concentration (again, without telling him what to focus for), he picked it up right away. Even so, the retreat had both of us wired in to this stuff.
We played with the mannequins some more, experimenting. All we had to go on was that when we walked between these two mannequins, we both felt a similar sensation, like an electric current running through us, with a slight push from right to left. Leaving the Why? for later, we tried to isolate the phenomenon. Was it dependent on both mannequins? I thought not, Lee thought so. He said maybe there was a wire frayed nearby, and the metal stands of the mannequins might be picking up a low grade current and then somehow transmitting the "hum", which we were sensitive enough to feel. Sounded like a longshot to me, but when faced with the unknown as the only explanation, the mind takes great leaps...
So -- oh, I guess I should add here, we /also/ noticed that some people -- not everybody, but definitely some -- in the stream of shoppers seemed to unconsciously adjust their walking path to the right-left push as they walked by. none of them stopped flat out like we did, but there was a definite slight curvature in the routes of some people as they passed The Field. Anyway. So, I took the mannequin on the pushing side, and rotated it on its stand so it was now facing perpendicularly to the other one. We walked the original path again...and nothing! Then I walked in front of the new direction of the shifted mannequin's gaze, and the same sensation crawled over my skull. So now we know it's definitely connected to the mannequin on the right. I walked all around it, and it definitely had a subtle field all around, but it was strongest coming from its front. I moved the actual stand's position a couple times, no difference, still the same strong feeling. At this point the shop owners (and, presumably, the mannequin owners) were starting to get irritated with me, so I sort of cut the experiments short. But basically I'd established that this one mannequin, for unknown reasons, was exerting a strong energetic field, particularly from its anterior, and it seemed to subtly be pushing (as opposed to drawing, or spinning, or dragging, etc) me as i went by. i had definite empirical confirmation from one other person, and it appeared (although granted, i may have been looking too hard for this) that other people felt a similar thing, to a lesser extent.
So what was it? I've only ever encountered one other object (outside of those stones, talismans, wands, etc. which i know for a fact people have specifically charged with energy for their own reasons) with a palpable energetic field around it, and that was a kite (or the rock on which the kite rested, i never figured it out) with a chinese demon face printed on it, which i came across one afternoon on a hike in the Xiang Shan hills outside of Beijing, with Paul. /That/ was definitely an evil, malevolent feel, and it radiated several meters out in a straight line, as well as a diameter of force a few feet wide. That was clearly a "STAY AWAY" feel, and I didn't even think to mess with it. This mannequin however -- well, if I was pressed to say it felt "good" or "evil", I'd say "evil", but only because I felt a bit uncomfortable around it and it pushed me. Good energy is pleasant and feels nice to be in contact with. But I certainly wasn't getting a "Get The Fuck Away From Me" vibe. Lee even speculated that the shop owners might have powered the thing up to get people to come in their store. (But then why have it push? I know /I/ didn't want to go in for having felt it.) I myself am rather skeptical that it was the shop owners who imbued the mannequin with its energy, but I'm at a loss to explain how/why a mannequin factory worker could have come up with such an idea either. If I'd had the means and the opportunity, I definitely would have tried to buy it from the shopkeepers, even if just to send it to storage somewhere back in the states. Items like these come by few and far between, I think, and they're always unique in their own way. If nothing else, they serve as great conversation pieces/converters for the skeptical. But alas, at that point (well, at this point too, but that's not so relevant) I was broke and in a strange city. It's probably best not to mess with such things unless you can really /see/ what's going on with them anyway.
An interesting tidbit though, no? Hope ya'll enjoyed.
And now it's time for bed. T'be sure, with visions of "APPROVED"-stamped visas floating in my head. G'night all.
I heard the word "realia" for the first time a couple weeks ago and I think it's great. I've been trying to graft the suffix onto other words, with varying degrees of success. (Note: I believe that's the second time I've used the phrase capsule "with varying degrees of..." today in my posts. I do like it, but I apologize for the recyclage.)
I haven't really posted much about my esoteric delvings lately. Mostly, that's been because I've been terribly lax in my practice, and in my awareness. I've sort of been letting "normal" life wash over me, and while it's actually rather nice, I miss /seeing/. Tonight I spent wandering around Hong Kong and really practicing, for perhaps the first time since ... Beijing? Surely not that long, but I can't remember the last time I really just went out among the people and worked at expansion. It was marvelous. I'm just going to jot down a few of the weirder experiences I've been meaning to record. Take them for what they're worth.
I still look at things as scientifically as I used to, but more and more often I simply find myself accepting some intuitions. There's a fine line between accepting intuition without trying to deconstruct the deconstructable, and simply indulging in your every instinct as reliable guidance. The former, I believe, is an important part of growing into the boundless aspects of Self. The latter is ego taking advantage of such an attempt and using it to further its own pathology. And I'd say (unfortunately, as it means the most work for me) the one resists turning into the other with dedicated practice and awareness. But I'm babbling. Onto the stories.
Shadow World
NB: This first part isn't exactly "weird" stuff. Just what I did tonight which I found interesting. Yes, this is going to be more like the posts of old, where I'm just recording things for my own enjoyment. Read the next post down if you're looking for a story.
I spent the first 30 minutes of tonight's walk paying attention to shadows. I'd walk around and instead of looking at people, I'd look at their shadows. Instead of noticing street lamps, or cars, I'd look for how the light was bouncing off of them. Reflections, shadows, notches, crevices -- all this stuff made up my conscious visual input. More generally, I was trying to look at the parts of things that don't usually get looked at. So, instead of the model on the billboard, I was staring at the space between the background and the model's body. Or instead of the car, I'd look into the wheel wells. This exercise is sort of stolen and modified from an exercise Don Juan Matus gave Carlos Castaneda, mentioned towards the end of Tales of Power. This was the first time I'd really tried doing this sort of thing, and I wasn't sure what to expect. I found that, rather than bringing a forefront change to my perception, after a bit I noticed instead that I was just sort of removed from my normal mode of input-interpretation. It wasn't like I was seeing hidden meaning in these "less-looked-at" things, just overall feeling a bit spaced out, less connected to the "realia" around me.
That set the stage for me messing around with other ways of looking at things. For a while i tried to unfocus my eyes and abolish spatial relations, which is actually really really hard. the couple moments i suceeded, it was wild, like the street in front of me and the skyscrapers above me were just like a sheet of paper held up in front of me, no distance or anything, just 2D visual input, and immediate as all hell. i almost fell over. cool exercise, although maybe better to practice when you're not moving.
I stopped in a park for a bit and found a rock with some good juice, just sat and watched the energy drift for a bit. even just doing something simple like that -- it's embarrassing how long it's been since i've just watched things swirl. One of the things I had the most fun with tonight was finding shapes created by intended shapes. Example: two buildings angle towards each other, and a skywalk crosses between them, making an open faced trapezoid in the space above the walk. not all that mind-blowing, granted -- but once i started doing it, i found i couldn't stop. sort of like dreaming in tetris. and again, it kept me removed from my standard mode of perception, which was basically the point i guess.
All these little games definitely put me back in that state of mind I loved so much about being in Beijing with Sebastian. We'd just go out on the streets, or in the mountains, and do random experiments like, try and listen only to the wind and car horns for as long as we could. It's this sort of all-the-time practice in awareness that brings real progress, i think. sitting and meditating is awesome. i'm not trying to second-rank it. but being living, active, and aware every minute is more the warrior's way, i think -- it's /living/ your practice. Don Juan said something to the effect that "The only thing we really can freely choose in this life is the degree of impeccability in our actions." This is the motto by which I'm trying to measure my days now.
Sky High
I napped on the flight from Taipei to Hong Kong this morning, and I woke up at one point while consciously out of my body. It wasn't like I was just floating above me in the plane -- I was literally somewhere else, somewhere indoors, like an airport or a mall or something. i didn't have 100% clarity, like in some of my hyperreal dreams, but it was close. if anything, the main difference was that the people walking by me were a bit shimmery, like fuzzy oilslicks around their edges. But it was definitely somewhere, and I was aware. I was walking/gliding about, I remember passing a woman with a baby carriage, a few guys, someone in a funny dress and hat. Then I walked into this room, big and slightly concave, like a drain in the middle. The middle radiated waves of really strong sexual energy. All through this, at times I would sort of see how close I could come to waking up fully into my "real" world, and then go back into wherever it was that I was wandering around in my dreams. I found I could actually wake pretty much all the way up (without opening my eyes though) and then consciously go back to my other place, with full clarity. eventually though, i lost it. but it was intriguing, i haven't had that sort of dual awareness with that degree of control before.
Mannequin Shenanigan
Which begs the question, can you simply have just one shenanigan? Anyhow. This dates back to just having finished my retreat, in mid-December of 2004. I was walking through the night market in Phitsanulok, Thailand, with another guy I'd sat with at the retreat. The market was set up outdoors, basically a series of stalls with 3 canvas walls, the 4th wall "space" opening into a narrow corridor in the center. on either side, stalls, and maybe a 2-person wide alley to walk down in-between. So we're walkin', right? And all of a sudden I was like, WOAH! Hold the phone! Buzzing had just exploded in my head, like a low-medium grade electric current. Like having a van Der Graff generator touched to my temples on low revolution. STRONG. I even felt a bit pushed away, from right to left.
I turned to see what the hell just happened and...nothing. Just people walking by, two standard opposing stalls with crap, womens' clothing and accessories, two mannequins out in the front of the shops, facing each other. I walk back the way I came, passing the stalls, this time paying attention. WHAM-BZZZZ!! Again! This time I'd narrowed down the time of the sensation occuring to just as I'd passed through the mannequins' gazes. Interesting. I repeated the experiment 4 or 5 more times, much to the chagrin of the passers-by trying to squeeze around me. Yup, /definitely/ getting buzzed when I pass the mannequins. I yelled after my friend, who was some way ahead of me by now, to come back. Without telling him why, I asked him to close his eyes, concentrate, and walk to me (his path took him across The Twin Gaze en route to me). As soon as he passed the mannequins, his eyes flew open in shock.
"What the hell was that?" he asked.
"Don't know dude, there's something funny going on."
Now, keep in mind here that we'd both just finished an intensive meditation retreat, 100+ hours in 10 days. We were friggin' /TUNED/. My friend hadn't done any sort of esoteric practice before, so he didn't really know jack about sensing energy, other than, you know, what everyone knows a little about instinctively. He actually hadn't noticed it when he first walked by, but when I asked him to walk by again and focus his concentration (again, without telling him what to focus for), he picked it up right away. Even so, the retreat had both of us wired in to this stuff.
We played with the mannequins some more, experimenting. All we had to go on was that when we walked between these two mannequins, we both felt a similar sensation, like an electric current running through us, with a slight push from right to left. Leaving the Why? for later, we tried to isolate the phenomenon. Was it dependent on both mannequins? I thought not, Lee thought so. He said maybe there was a wire frayed nearby, and the metal stands of the mannequins might be picking up a low grade current and then somehow transmitting the "hum", which we were sensitive enough to feel. Sounded like a longshot to me, but when faced with the unknown as the only explanation, the mind takes great leaps...
So -- oh, I guess I should add here, we /also/ noticed that some people -- not everybody, but definitely some -- in the stream of shoppers seemed to unconsciously adjust their walking path to the right-left push as they walked by. none of them stopped flat out like we did, but there was a definite slight curvature in the routes of some people as they passed The Field. Anyway. So, I took the mannequin on the pushing side, and rotated it on its stand so it was now facing perpendicularly to the other one. We walked the original path again...and nothing! Then I walked in front of the new direction of the shifted mannequin's gaze, and the same sensation crawled over my skull. So now we know it's definitely connected to the mannequin on the right. I walked all around it, and it definitely had a subtle field all around, but it was strongest coming from its front. I moved the actual stand's position a couple times, no difference, still the same strong feeling. At this point the shop owners (and, presumably, the mannequin owners) were starting to get irritated with me, so I sort of cut the experiments short. But basically I'd established that this one mannequin, for unknown reasons, was exerting a strong energetic field, particularly from its anterior, and it seemed to subtly be pushing (as opposed to drawing, or spinning, or dragging, etc) me as i went by. i had definite empirical confirmation from one other person, and it appeared (although granted, i may have been looking too hard for this) that other people felt a similar thing, to a lesser extent.
So what was it? I've only ever encountered one other object (outside of those stones, talismans, wands, etc. which i know for a fact people have specifically charged with energy for their own reasons) with a palpable energetic field around it, and that was a kite (or the rock on which the kite rested, i never figured it out) with a chinese demon face printed on it, which i came across one afternoon on a hike in the Xiang Shan hills outside of Beijing, with Paul. /That/ was definitely an evil, malevolent feel, and it radiated several meters out in a straight line, as well as a diameter of force a few feet wide. That was clearly a "STAY AWAY" feel, and I didn't even think to mess with it. This mannequin however -- well, if I was pressed to say it felt "good" or "evil", I'd say "evil", but only because I felt a bit uncomfortable around it and it pushed me. Good energy is pleasant and feels nice to be in contact with. But I certainly wasn't getting a "Get The Fuck Away From Me" vibe. Lee even speculated that the shop owners might have powered the thing up to get people to come in their store. (But then why have it push? I know /I/ didn't want to go in for having felt it.) I myself am rather skeptical that it was the shop owners who imbued the mannequin with its energy, but I'm at a loss to explain how/why a mannequin factory worker could have come up with such an idea either. If I'd had the means and the opportunity, I definitely would have tried to buy it from the shopkeepers, even if just to send it to storage somewhere back in the states. Items like these come by few and far between, I think, and they're always unique in their own way. If nothing else, they serve as great conversation pieces/converters for the skeptical. But alas, at that point (well, at this point too, but that's not so relevant) I was broke and in a strange city. It's probably best not to mess with such things unless you can really /see/ what's going on with them anyway.
An interesting tidbit though, no? Hope ya'll enjoyed.
And now it's time for bed. T'be sure, with visions of "APPROVED"-stamped visas floating in my head. G'night all.
Murphy's Triumph
Let me begin by making it clear that this post is in no way whining, self-pitying, or irritable. It's simply a recounting of a series of unfortunate events, perhaps detailed ad boredom, but necessary in the sense that I consider the amount of things which have gone wrong this morning nothing less than epic, and I'd like to share.
I left my house in Taipei this morning around 5:30 to catch a bus to the airport. Today was my "visa run" day, where the plan was to zip over to Hong Kong, adjust the status of my visa in order to make it valid for securing a work permit, and zip on back to Taipei by late evening, in time for maybe a movie and a glass of wine with the roommates. This is actually quite a common process for foreigners in Taiwan; you pay a rush fee at the visa office in Hong Kong, and by mid-afternoon, usually 3 o'clock or so, you're good to go and on your way back to the airport, homeward-bound.
This was not to be the case for me, on this day. So then.
Things ran smoothly until I hit the Chiang Kai Shek International Airport in Taipei this morning. Granted, it was pouring rain on my walk to the bus stop, but it's always pouring rain in Taipei so we can't really count that as the onset of my demise. At the airport, the bus dropped me off at the wrong terminal. This isn't really the sort of place where you can be like, "Um, excuse me, you took me to the wrong end of the airport complex, could you please remedy that?" So, ride with me as I shuttle over to the correct terminal. We arrive at check in, to discover our flight has been delayed 40 minutes, from 8:05 to 8:45. No big deal, one might think. However, keep in mind we've been told by numerous folkken that you /must/ submit your visa application in Hong Kong by noon in order to get a same-day turnaround. The flight to Hong Kong takes roughly two hours. Assuming no checked baggage, then de-planing, clearing customs and getting to the airport train depot is about a 20 min process. The train from the airport to Hong Kong island proper takes about 30 minutes, and then there's a 10-15 minute cab ride from the station to the building which houses the visa center (Lippo Building One, for those reading this as an instructional manual). That means we need at least 3 hours and 5 minutes from taking off in Taipei to walking in the doors of the visa office in Hong Kong, assuming everything goes /perfectly/, train doors closing immediately behind your stride, unbroken green lights in the cab, etc etc. Let's add on 20 minutes to be safe. And we haven't even considered paperwork, once we get to the visa office! But let's say we have everything in perfect order, with no objections from the clerk (those of you who've been through Chinese bureaucracy before, please withhold your snickering) -- so, 10 minutes to fill everything out. Now we're up to 3 hours 35 minutes from takeoff to golden. Let's stop there so we have a working number.
I'm sure you've done the math already, but our original ETD of 8:05am leaves us having filed our applications at the Hong Kong office at 11:40am, just 20 minutes inside the deadline of 12 noon. So. Now takeoff has been delayed to 8:45, which means we're already 20 minutes /past/ our pumpkin hour. Whatever. Half an hour past impossible is pretty standard for me, and I've been pulling it off with varying degrees of frequency for years now. Still undaunted. Invigorated by the challenge, in fact.
The plane lands in Hong Kong airport at 10:42. I make good use of my long legs and charming smile, and I'm zooming past customs and on the train to Hong Kong island by 10:55. The train takes its own sweet time, to be sure, but still, not too too bad and the cab is on its way to Lippo Tower by 11:30. 11:45 and I'm in the office, paperwork in hand, looking for a pen. Feeling pretty good at this point -- the lights were green, the lines were short, the elevators speedy. At this point, I am the man, delayed planes be damned. I will walk up to the woman, grin at her frown when she sees I've slipped in just under her precious lunch hour, hand in my papers and then sit back to reap the sweet, sweet rewards of being slick, speedy, and debonaire.
My first surprise:
"Oh, we don't close at noon. We're open till 5."
"I see. But I heard I definitely have to have these papers in by noon for same-day processing?"
"No, you have to have them in by 11am for same-day processing. You're nearly an hour late for that. You'll have to wait for tomorrow."
Well hey. There are exceptions to every rule, right?
"Oh gee, that's terrible. You see, I, um, called ahead and someone in your office said if I was here by noon I'd be okay, because the plane wasn't landing until 10:40. And my ticket home is for tonight, are you sure there's no way I can't just slide in under the mark this time?" :: Bambi-eyed *blink* *blink* ::
"Harumph. Well, maybe. You'll need to hurry though. You have all your paperwork?"
"Of course. Here's my passport, photos, money, application, and a letter from my office in Taipei certifying my employment."
"Let me see that."
:: studies letter ::
"(roughly translated from Chinese) This letter is bunk, and it means nothing to me. You must burn, and suffer, if I am to give you this visa past the deadline. Burn, Infidel, Burn!"
"Ah, I'm sorry, did you say this letter is no good?"
"Among other things, yes. The only form of work verification we accept is an official work permit, here, it looks like this."
"... Um, this is a registered work permit. You can only get this if you already have a permanent resident visa. How can anyone who actually needs a visa possibly possess this document?"
"This is not of my concern, dog. The only way this so-called 'letter' of yours might mean anything to We Who Live Behind The Glass Windows is if your term of employment will be for less than 6 months."
Having dealt with this sort of bullshit before, I'm always on the lookout for logical gaps. This usually means that the CBPP (Chinese Bureaucratic Paper-Pusher) in question is tired of arguing with you and is willing to give up, if you'll only be crafty enough to pick up on their proffered loophole.
"Ah. Well then. Of course I wouldn't be working for more than 6 months. Then I'd need an official work permit, wouldn't I?"
"Mm. Indeed. Well, go ahead and fill out this form again then, and we'll see what we can do."
** Round #2 (12:05pm) **
"Hi, I'm trying to get this visa processed by this afternoon."
"Yes, swine, I heard your plight from the next window over. Give it here, give it here!"
"... You've listed this man, and this company, as your employer. Where is your work permit?"
"Ah! I choose to exercise the less-than-6-months rule! I need no such permit, only this here letter! ... ... (searching for letter) ... ahm, I mean, the letter I had in my hand about 40 seconds ago."
(more searching, through papers and books)
(more searching, through pockets and bags)
(more sear-
"Enough. You have no letter. Sit down, or, better yet, go crawl back under whatever rock you crawled out from and leave me alone. Next!"
(pleadingly to the lady I'd just talked to:)
"Wait! You just saw the letter! Help!"
"If you have no letter now, you never had one. Back! Back!"
(more searching, now even in areas of the small office waiting room where I hadn't previously been)
(more searching, through trash cans and under chairs, now with furtive glances cast at the other waiting room occupants)
(more searching, through everything i'd already looked through, and over every solid to semi-permeable surface within my reach)
(said half to self)"Someone has..stolen(?) my letter of employment?"
Ahem. Traditionally, when something is missing in public, it's a very tempting assumption to make that, rather than you simply not having looked in your last pocket, or having forgotten to check your hat or thermal underwear or wallet lining, instead some nefarious, malevolent embodiment of kleptomaniacal deviousness has up and knicked your stuff. I, for one, have seen this theory pan out maybe twice in my life. The rest of the time, it's always the case that after enough time, or enough searching, or some flash of enlightenment ("I /did/ get my driver's license suspended last month! Duh!!"), the missing item(s) turns up. So I'll be the last one to actually propose theft as an acceptable answer.
But I SWEAR. This waiting room is maybe 18 feet x 13 feet. There is one counter for filling things out, two trash cans underneath (both empty). There are maybe 10 chairs, some with people, but none with my letter either on or under them. There is a copier, which I hadn't been near, but its trays, copy surface, and underbelly all showed no trace of my letter. There's a guard's office, empty. 5 booths with chairs in front of glass windows, the primary purpose of which are to sit in while being psychologically broken by the demonaic shrew-people which populate the regions posterior to said windows. None of the chairs, sills, or floor areas of the booths have my paper. This leaves the walls and ceilings (no letter), my own person (searched meticulously numerous times), my bag and its contents (ditto), and...other people. This final category can be divided into: A) The CBPP Maelefica behind the windows and B) The sorry lambs waiting for their go in the waiting room.
ONE OF THESE TWO GROUPS IS IN POSSESSION OF MY LETTER OF EMPLOYMENT.
However, after asking both (what else could I do?) and coming up empty, I was forced to abandon any hopes of seeing the letter in its original form. The only other option is thieving gnomes of some sort. But, baffled though I was, I was still thinking.
"Do you have a fax machine? Perhaps my office could fax the letter to you."
"We have no fax machine. There is one, 39 floors down, in the back room of a stationery store."
"Oh, so maybe I could use that. I'll be back...but wait, first, let me make absolutely sure, that's ALL I need before my application is complete?"
"... (conferencing) This letter of employment is from the person you work for, /in Taiwan/?"
(alarm bells)
"Umm...yeah, that's what we just agreed upon."
(tiny voice)
"Right?"
(triumphant)
"No. If you're already employed in Taiwan, you need a work permit. Now, say if you /were about to start working/, then a letter indicating your upcoming employment (for less than 6 months of course) would be acceptable. Your letter is useless. Unless..."
"Yes, yes?"
"Unless, of course, you applied for a /tourist/ visitor visa, instead of a work visa. You understand that obviously if you had a tourist visa, it'd be illegal to work in the country for any reason."
I happen to know that all you need in Taiwan is a valid /visitor/ visa, and it can be for any reason -- work, tourism, school, etc. Then, any visitor visa can be upgraded to a work visa. My problem is that all I had was a "landing visa", issued upon arrival to the country, and that's non-transferrable. So, here I see a light at the end of the tunnel!
"Ah, well, er, yes. You see, I'm actually planning on travelling about quite a bit. This, ah, 'work' of which we spoke, oh, it's nothing really, just helping out a friend here and there. You know, home improvement and babysitting and whatnot. Just to keep groceries on the table, eh? So I really wouldn't be doing any actual 'work' at all, now that I think about it. Yes! I'm quite sure that a tourist visitor visa is the right kind for me. Shall we then?"
"Okay, fine. Now you need some proof of residence in your home country."
"Hah hah! Got it! Driver's license, here!"
"We can't take that, it's an original. Please make a photocopy."
(photocopying)
"Here you go! Now get me my visa!"
"We also need a bank statement from your home country."
"Wait, seriously?"
"..."
"Okay, okay. Um, well, I can get you one if I can get to the internet."
"There is no internet here. Please leave."
"Fine. But finally -- is there ANYTHING else I need to process this thing?"
"Your passport said you're an American citizen?"
"Yeah, so?"
"American citizens need an additional $50 USD to process their paperwork. Do you have $800 HKD on you?"
"Heck no! Where is there an ATM?"
"On the 1st floor, of course. You said you were leaving..."
Now it's war. Well, let's be honest. It was war when they stole my damn letter. So I hightail it down to the stationery store, suspecting, hoping. Bingo! I sign on to my bank's website, call up last month's statement, print it out (for an outrageous price) and race back up to the 40th floor. It's now 1:05pm. At this point, I'm basically fighting just to get the application in. My hopes of same-day service are basically shot, barring divine intervention (or, I should say, more than there's already been up to this point, and on my side, for once).
Aaargh! Forgot the money! Back downstairs, into the bank...my ATM card is no good in this Hong Kong only bank. Is there another ATM I can use? In the mall across the street.
In the mall across the street:
1st ATM: card rejected
Store next door to 1st ATM:
"Hi, is there another bank or ATM here in the mall? My card won't work at this one."
"Yes, it's at the far end of the mall, but it's the same bank so it probably won't work there either."
(sigh)
"Okay, thanks."
At the other end of the mall:
2nd ATM: card accepted! jackpot! (thanks, all you creditors out there. i will pay you back, eventually.)
Back through the mall, across the street, up 40 floors, back into Hell's Antechamber:
"I'm back. Just try and stop me."
"We can, and we will."
"Do your worst."
Passport? Check. Photos? Check. Application? Check. Bank statement? Check. License copy? Check. Money? Check.
"Gar! You've won this time, Speed Racer, but don't think we won't be back! Now, when you come to pick this up tomorrow, you must lick all our our bootheels thrice, and then prostrate yourself before this small portrait of Satan."
"So...is there NO way I can get my visa today?"
"No."
"I have to leave the country tonight, my ticket is non-transferrable. Can I just gt a landing visa tonight and you can mail me my visa approval?"
"No."
"I don't have anywhere to sleep tonight! I have no change of clothes, nor toiletries, and I have no money!"
"Leave us then, and fly back to try again some other time. It is your choice, knave, but whatever your decision be, make it now and waste no more of my time."
"Do you have or did you ever have a mortal soul, capable of mercy or kindness?"
"You are a fool. Pickup window opens at 1pm tomorrow. Thank you for your business."
So. I found a room in a guesthouse I like, and then left to come here and tell my story. My only remaining hurdle is the changing of my ticket from tonight to tomorrow night, but I already cleared (in theory) this idea with the ticket agent in Taipei. She said because the flight was delayed, I could transfer the ticket without penalty. I've found the office number online, and all that remains is to call and explain my plight. In an abbreviated form, of course. If all goes well, I'll be bored and roaming the streets within the hour. The art musuem has finally opened their Renaissance painters exhibit, so that'll be some nice eye candy for the long afternoon tomorrow. There's a Buddhist walking/chanting meditation hall I found the last time I was in town, so I may go to check that out as well. Like I said, I'm not really in a foul mood or upset or depressed or anything. I just don't really want to be in Hong Kong for a wasted day. Also, tomorrow was supposed to be my first day teaching, which I'm excited about and pissed that I'll have to postpone. But all in all, I guess I'll live. Let this be a warning to all those planning on mixing Chinese and paperwork anytime in their future though. Even if you come prepared, you will lose at least once. If your experience ends with the desired documents in hand, no matter how long or hard the trials and tribulations you go through during it, consider yourself blessed and be sure to heavily tip the next waiter you have at your favorite dim sum spot.
My fingers are tired now, and they will rest. If you've made it through, thanks -- I needed that.
All for now.
