Thursday, July 13, 2006
Some Things I've Learned
Just recently finished another 10-day Vipassana retreat. It was my third one sitting (I've served in the kitchens on one as well) and I came out with some things worth remembering, or at least recording.
Firstly, and most extravagantly, I regained my ability to see with my eyes closed, to a certain degree. I found I couldn't see objects or contours in the room as clearly as before, but I could definitely make out my hands, fingers, body, and other people. I still have to cast the mental intention to focus at a particular depth range in order to see anything though. It's not like normal vision, where you are simultaneously aware of areas at varying distances. An added functionality of this closed-eye vision was that I now found myself able to see my skeletal structure. Looking at my forearm, I could clearly make out the ulna and radius. Staring down towards my legs, my femur, tibia, and fibula were all where they should be. The metacarpals and -tarsals in my hands and feet were somewhat harder to distinguish; I felt I could just barely tell apart the jumble I saw there.
Granted, since I more or less know where my bones are supposed to be, it can't be an unbiased experiment of this newfound "visual" ability -- I'm fully accepting of the possibility that my mind is just projecting x-ray-like images where it knows my bones to be. But it didn't feel like that. I also found that when I tried to look at both legs simultaneously, it was much harder to see my skeleton. Only when I focused in on one at a time did the bone structure become visible.
I tried doing this with my muscles and tendons, with less success. I felt I could make out the muscles in my arm, almost by omission. Meaning, I couldn't see them in definition but I was aware of correctly-proportioned distortions in my closed-eye vision field when I cast my awareness towards, say, the bicep or the deltoid.
I also noticed that, while "looking" at my hands, if I ran energy through them, I was able to see a sort of puff of light -- often green -- that would travel through my arms and into my hands. Even if I moved my hands, the puff would stay in the same place for a short while and then dissapate. This made me think about the physics(?) of subtle energies -- that particular observation suggests that perhaps once energy leaves the body it doesn't have momentum as we'd normally consider it, but instead exists as an imprint of sorts on the etheric plane, which dissolves or rubs out without continued support.
I didn't seem to have the ability to see behind me or at angles from my own eyes this time. I actually had to turn my head to look at the things I wanted to see. I noticed that if I covered my eyes, I could still see things pretty well, but if I covered my forehead (the area of ajna chakra, where I suspect this vision is really coming from) then it was much harder to make out distinct image impressions.
In other news, on the 7th day I had a strong sensation of energy curling up and around my spine. It got stuck at my heart for a bit. I decided to mentally recite in my head the names of all the people I love ("I love _____, and I love _____"), while trying to feel anahata chakra open up a bit. This seemed good enough for the energy, which proceeded at that point powerfully to visuddha and ajna chakras. When it reached sahasrara, I felt this long cord just keep going up and up and up, incredibly high into the air, it seemed. This feeling of connection, from my tailbone to above my head, continued for some time. Afterwards, the whole right side of my body became very full of sensation, a heavy, warm, thick feeling. After a few minutes, immediately to the left side of my spine, I had a thin, icy line shoot up my back. This sensation lasted for some minutes. I suspect these two phenomenon had something to do with ida and pingala nadis opening up. Supporting this theory was the experience that, as the energy was rising up my spine, it often felt like it was helixing around and around the central pathway, shusumna, and this is often descibed in speaking of the movements of the left and right channels.
On the days after that experience, I had a minor repeat of the same feeling, but each time it was something that I more or less induced, whereas this experience was mostly spontaneous. (I did help pump up some juice from time to time as the process was ongoing.) On day 11, however, at the last meditation session, I was filled with a powerful feeling of bliss, mostly centered in my navel/solar plexus area, which slowly permeated my entire torso. I'd never had anything quite like that before either.
Unfortunately, I noticed in the first couple days after returning from the retreat, that despite my attempts to remain equanimous to even these strong sensations, I found I had developed some attachment to the experience. I'm working now on dissolving that particular sankara, or craving. Even kundalini should not be craved for, if the goal is to truly maintain a balanced mindstate. Anicca, anicca, anicca!
I remember there being more but that's all I want to type for now.
Just recently finished another 10-day Vipassana retreat. It was my third one sitting (I've served in the kitchens on one as well) and I came out with some things worth remembering, or at least recording.
Firstly, and most extravagantly, I regained my ability to see with my eyes closed, to a certain degree. I found I couldn't see objects or contours in the room as clearly as before, but I could definitely make out my hands, fingers, body, and other people. I still have to cast the mental intention to focus at a particular depth range in order to see anything though. It's not like normal vision, where you are simultaneously aware of areas at varying distances. An added functionality of this closed-eye vision was that I now found myself able to see my skeletal structure. Looking at my forearm, I could clearly make out the ulna and radius. Staring down towards my legs, my femur, tibia, and fibula were all where they should be. The metacarpals and -tarsals in my hands and feet were somewhat harder to distinguish; I felt I could just barely tell apart the jumble I saw there.
Granted, since I more or less know where my bones are supposed to be, it can't be an unbiased experiment of this newfound "visual" ability -- I'm fully accepting of the possibility that my mind is just projecting x-ray-like images where it knows my bones to be. But it didn't feel like that. I also found that when I tried to look at both legs simultaneously, it was much harder to see my skeleton. Only when I focused in on one at a time did the bone structure become visible.
I tried doing this with my muscles and tendons, with less success. I felt I could make out the muscles in my arm, almost by omission. Meaning, I couldn't see them in definition but I was aware of correctly-proportioned distortions in my closed-eye vision field when I cast my awareness towards, say, the bicep or the deltoid.
I also noticed that, while "looking" at my hands, if I ran energy through them, I was able to see a sort of puff of light -- often green -- that would travel through my arms and into my hands. Even if I moved my hands, the puff would stay in the same place for a short while and then dissapate. This made me think about the physics(?) of subtle energies -- that particular observation suggests that perhaps once energy leaves the body it doesn't have momentum as we'd normally consider it, but instead exists as an imprint of sorts on the etheric plane, which dissolves or rubs out without continued support.
I didn't seem to have the ability to see behind me or at angles from my own eyes this time. I actually had to turn my head to look at the things I wanted to see. I noticed that if I covered my eyes, I could still see things pretty well, but if I covered my forehead (the area of ajna chakra, where I suspect this vision is really coming from) then it was much harder to make out distinct image impressions.
In other news, on the 7th day I had a strong sensation of energy curling up and around my spine. It got stuck at my heart for a bit. I decided to mentally recite in my head the names of all the people I love ("I love _____, and I love _____"), while trying to feel anahata chakra open up a bit. This seemed good enough for the energy, which proceeded at that point powerfully to visuddha and ajna chakras. When it reached sahasrara, I felt this long cord just keep going up and up and up, incredibly high into the air, it seemed. This feeling of connection, from my tailbone to above my head, continued for some time. Afterwards, the whole right side of my body became very full of sensation, a heavy, warm, thick feeling. After a few minutes, immediately to the left side of my spine, I had a thin, icy line shoot up my back. This sensation lasted for some minutes. I suspect these two phenomenon had something to do with ida and pingala nadis opening up. Supporting this theory was the experience that, as the energy was rising up my spine, it often felt like it was helixing around and around the central pathway, shusumna, and this is often descibed in speaking of the movements of the left and right channels.
On the days after that experience, I had a minor repeat of the same feeling, but each time it was something that I more or less induced, whereas this experience was mostly spontaneous. (I did help pump up some juice from time to time as the process was ongoing.) On day 11, however, at the last meditation session, I was filled with a powerful feeling of bliss, mostly centered in my navel/solar plexus area, which slowly permeated my entire torso. I'd never had anything quite like that before either.
Unfortunately, I noticed in the first couple days after returning from the retreat, that despite my attempts to remain equanimous to even these strong sensations, I found I had developed some attachment to the experience. I'm working now on dissolving that particular sankara, or craving. Even kundalini should not be craved for, if the goal is to truly maintain a balanced mindstate. Anicca, anicca, anicca!
I remember there being more but that's all I want to type for now.
